Somehow within me I hate that the year of 2025 ended. That it is surely passed just like other years do.
Like how? Because that year ended without my mother being alive.
She won’t smile.
She won’t say Happy New Year.
She will never do that again.
She will now lives in memories.
I remember that 2024 even when she was in hospital weak but still there. We shouted Happy New Year to her in our own loud, loving style.
The year of 2025? I was hurt. Deeply hurt. The kind of hurt that sometimes makes you silent… and other times makes you talk too much about it. Some days I found balance. Other days, I didn’t.
I don’t understand people who don’t love their parents or don’t show it. I lost mine and I loved her. Oh! And how she loved us. She loved us deeply, loudly, fully and then I think about this; God loves us more than that. I wonder. How amazing.
Knowing that He called her home sometimes makes me feel better. But still I ask how he couldn’t He see that we needed her? Couldn’t He see that we needed Him to leave her with us a little longer?
But God’s ways… no man understands.
Personally I have seen His ways. I have wondered. I have wrestled. I have come to accept that He surely does His plans whether we are ready or not.
The year of 2025 I cried. I got hurt. I shouted unnecessarily. I yelled.
I cried more than I ever have in my life. I also prayed more than I ever have.
If I survived that! if I lost the best person in my entire world and still stayed breathing, even when happiness was incomplete then what can truly shake me? Surely, what can?
My best friend, BESTO as we called each other then she died too. I pulled myself together because I know she would want me to pull through. Just like the name she chose for me; Tuhame.
So when you meet me in 2026, know this;
I survived the worst and by His grace, nothing shall and yes, nothing will or shall shake me.
I am stronger. I am wiser. I have grown.
May my mum’s soul rest in peace. 🕊️❤️
TUHAME ❤️
